Cultivating Charisma: Your Path to Authentic Confidence
- Kim Meninger
- 6 hours ago
- 25 min read
In this episode of The Impostor Syndrome Files, we talk about charisma, and not the slick or manipulative version we sometimes imagine. My guest this week is Milam Miller, leadership development and sales consultant and author of The Charisma Craft: A Modern Leadership Guide to Enhance Your Riz Factor.
Milam shares how his own journey from Texas football to New York sports to European soccer and now entrepreneurship taught him that charisma is not an inborn trait but a skill we can all develop. We dig into the ABCs of charisma (Authenticity, Boldness, Curiosity), why confidence is quiet and deeply human and how kindness and decency fuel true influence and connection.
About My Guest
Milam Miller personifies healthy charisma. His optimistic outlook and zest for life allow him to engage with audiences in an authentic way that inspires bold action and fierce courage.
BCK – “Be Confident and Kind” – was a private mantra that Milam created to serve him in the corporate world. Over the course of his career in sports & entertainment, Milam negotiated more than $100MM in commercial revenue for all of the organizations he proudly represented. From the red carpet of The ESPY Awards in Los Angeles to the desert dunes of Doha, Milam has built deep relationships through his study of soft skills and genuine care for people.
Milam’s mental health severely suffered in a fully remote senior leadership role during the isolation brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic. After seeking out help from coaches and therapists, Milam realized he was living out of alignment. In 2022, he stepped back into his power to launch BCK and serve leaders desiring to create stronger teams and drive better results.
What was once a personal philosophy is now a public movement to positively transform the future of work. BCK does this by teaching charismatic leadership principles on how to influence, motivate, persuade others.
Milam speaks to and coaches Executives, Senior Leaders, and Managers, alike. He also facilitates workshops for Fortune 100 companies, such as Amazon and Google. His subject matter is culturally relevant, topical, and most all, engaging & fun.
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Connect with Milam:
Website: https://beconfidentandkind.com/
The Charisma Craft: https://shorturl.at/2gMPL
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Websites: https://kimmeninger.com
Transcript
Kim Meninger
Welcome, Milam, I'm so excited to have you here today, and I would love to start by inviting you to tell us a little bit about yourself.
Milam Miller
Well, thank you, Kim. I am chatting with you from Dallas, Texas. It's nice and sunny today, but I won't talk about the weather. I know we all have a tendency to do that as at least as Americans, they do it in in the UK too. I just got back from, from Europe. But man, where do I begin? I guess I'll start here in my home roots. I'm a boy from Texas, Kim that grew up knowing one religion, and that was football. And as my career would evolve and open up for me, I ended up starting my career in New York City with an ambition to work in professional sports. However, with New York being the world's melting pot, I ended up leaving New York going overseas and working in the other kind of football. So if anybody's come across my name, any of your listeners, they might have seen the real life Ted lasso. That is specifically why I worked in European football on the commercial side of the business for many years before I set out to launch my own leadership development and sales consultancy today, which is called, be confident and kind.
Kim Meninger
Wonderful. Well, thank you for sharing that, and I want to take a deeper dive into the book and the work that you were doing, because they the message just within the title is something that really speaks to me as somebody who spent a lot of my own work experience and lifetime trying to cultivate that confidence and kindness. What does that mean to you, and what did where did this come from?
Milam Miller
Sure, so be confident and kind. Was actually a personal mantra for me, Kim. And I thought it was super cheesy. I was like, this is super corny, but it's like, authentic. It's who I am. And I actually developed it on a train when I was living in the United Kingdom, out to bath, of all places, based in London, working for a soccer team in Rome. If listeners didn't catch that when I say football, code switch soccer team. And I had read about a lot of famous coaches here in the United States. Again, taking it back to our football, Pete Carroll, longtime coach of the Seattle Seahawks. He's now at the Las Vegas Raiders. He has, he had this, this personal philosophy, and it's what helped himself start every day. And I believe his was compete every day, or, like, win the moment. You know, something along those lines. And I'd read that a lot of high achievers have these personal mantras. And so I started journaling on the train, and I was like, you know, what would mine be? And I realized that in the sales role I was in, I was tasked with taking the vision of our ownership group out to market, and our vision was to deliver a modern day Coliseum to the fans and citizens of Rome. So in other words, this new stadium would have soccer matches. It would have art festivals, fashion shows, film premieres, you name it. Right. We wanted to program this thing 365, days per year. And I thought, when I know what I'm pitching and I'm doing it confidently, but I'm also leading with this humanity and warmth that I'm ultimately being kind like the vision may not be right for you, but perhaps it's right for someone. You know, then that's where I found success. That's where we started having really deep, enriching conversations. And I thought the world would be a better place if we equipped employees to be more confident in what they do day to day, but we never lost sight of our kindness like that's really what we need. So what was a personal mantra I always say, ended up becoming a public movement, because I never thought I would share that with the world. But through some life events that happened, a redundancy, a layoff, a transatlantic move back the pandemic, you name it, all these compounding effects, I realized I have a big dream, and that's to help people and to build a better future of work. Why not me? And why not now? And so that's how I launched, uh, be confident and kind, from a personal mantra to a full-blown leadership development practice, working predominantly with Rev Gen leaders, anyone in a sales role.
Kim Meninger
So I don't want to ask you to give away your secret sauce, and I'm sure it's a lot more complicated than an answer to a quick question. But I'm curious, because so many people these days, and I think having worked in high tech for many years with people who very much were almost allergic to the idea of like fluff, right? Might have been critical of something that was focused on kindness or focused on unconfidence, right? So what does that translate into, in terms of the skills that you're equipping them with? I can imagine some people, you know, skeptics or critics kind of thinking, how are you going to, you know, how are you going to promote these things that?
Milam Miller
Sure. Well, I want to hear from the critics, bring it on. The overarching skill that I want to help people develop is charisma. And that's why I authored my first book, the charisma-craft, because I realized. That we've misconstrued what charisma actually is. We think it's evil. We think it's manipulative. We think it's reserved only for politicians who we start out liking them because many of them are elected by us, the people, and then they fall out of favor. We're like, oh, they aren't who we thought they were. And so when I decided that I wanted to write a book. I thought I could write a number of types of books, an autobiography, even though I've only been on this planet a short number of years, I hope to have many more. I could write a children's book. I could write, I mean, name whatever kind of type of book you could write. I could write a mystery novel, right? Like a fiction thriller. But I decided that actually, what would help people, and how I could help people, is this skill that I've been able to develop that I thought was actually an inborn personality trait that I'd been labeled. Oh Milam, you're so charismatic. You're so charismatic. But what I realized is it's actually the skill of human connection, and that's something that I've had to develop with great intention and great care. And so I distilled it in my book down to a simple ABC framework because I think that we, again, With charisma being misunderstood, we're like, what is it? Do I have it, that “it” factor? You know, you're either born with it or not. And I want to say, no, it's not an inborn personality trait. It’s a skill, and what you have to develop is a, your authenticity, B, your boldness, and C, your curiosity. So we can go deeper on that. But essentially, charisma is that overarching skill, and what sits behind that is so many things, but to but to bottom line, it is the ABCs of charisma.
Kim Meninger
I love that you defined charisma, because that is another one of those terms, like gravitas, right where we hear it, and maybe we even kind of know it when we see it, but we haven't necessarily boiled it down to its essence. And to your point, we think of it as we either have it or we don't, and we see it in other people, but oh, I don't have that myself. So when you think about your ingredients for something like charisma of right? Is this something that you teach people, or, like, what? How does one develop charisma? Is it through practice? Like, what? What's sort of the, the pathway forward for that?
Milam Miller
Absolutely. I love your questions. Kim, this is so good. So yes, you develop charisma through practice, or, in other words, reps, reps, reps, reps. So I'll, I'll use a lot of R words here. Stick with me listeners, because I it's playful, and I'm a playful guy. I'm pretty enthusiastic. Riz, which is the root word of charisma. It's slang. It was Oxford English languages, word of the year in 2023 and it's a very uncommon word because, for example, the flu, which I just got my flu shot the other day, comes from the middle of the root word in-fluenza, or fridge, from refrigerator. So think of Riz as ca-riz-ma, if for listeners that maybe aren't familiar with this Gen Z slang. Now Gen Z has coined it as like charm. It's your style, it's your attractiveness. But we can think about this in a professional setting as well. Really, what Riz is, is responsiveness. So when we're trying to develop charisma, we need to get better at things such as active listening, one of the top skills in the future of work. We need to and for people that maybe are like, Well, yeah, sure, another buzzword active listening. What is that? It's simple. It's paraphrasing, it's repeating. It's summarizing, right? So I have all these frameworks in my book of if you want to be a better active listener, should you paraphrase what the person said? Should you repeat back to Kim what she just said? Should you summarize and say? Do I have that right? These are all cues to the other person across the table in the boardroom or on the Zoom call that I'm listening and I care. In other words, I'm responsive.
Kim Meninger
Oh, I love that. I'm glad you brought Riz into the conversation too because I'm learning a new language through my children.
Milam Miller
Well, Kim, I had to, because the subtitle of my book is a modern leadership guide to enhance your ribs factor, because I was got so tired of everyone saying it factor. It's like, what is it? And it's like, well, if, if Gen Z is going to claim Riz, then, like now, we kind of start to have more adjectives and word a really a wide range of vocabulary behind what it is. And for any listeners that I haven't made this clear, what I care to develop in leaders in the workplace is what I call Healthy charisma. In other words, it's about two-way human connection, not one-way attraction. So it's about them, them, them, those that you're leading, or that perhaps you're, you're selling to and selling as an act of service. You again, you want to be connected as a customer, client-type relationship. But it's not about you. And the minute we take the fixation off us thinking they care about my hair or what I'm wearing, that's when we can't get really real with ourselves and be as authentic as possible and really start connecting with other people.
Kim Meninger
And what's really powerful to me about what you're just saying is the moment that we're in. Because I think that there, especially when you I'm looking at your ingredients once again, too, and that authenticity piece, and I think that we're. Sort of in a moment in history where there is a lot of pressure to be out there on social media, constantly talking about ourselves, grabbing the spotlight, right? We're counting our likes, and we're just kind of motivated to want to draw attention to ourselves in the way that you're describing. And we're also, in many ways, very reactive. We're struggling with basic acts of right? So, so do you find that, generally speaking, people want to come to come back to some of the basics that you're describing, or does it? Does it feel quaint in some ways, right? Like our is the world. How does the world respond to what you're saying?
Milam Miller
Mm, so many valid points there. I just I'd be remiss not to acknowledge or highlight You're so right. We live in a metrics-heavy society. We have the impressions on social media, and you know, it's for any of us that have put ourselves out there, authors, thought leaders, speakers such as you and I. We know what it feels like to put a piece of art or body of work out there, and then it'd be crickets. But I always say, like, if just one person comments, and it's a really like, Hey, I needed to hear this today. Or, Wow, this was a powerful perspective or beautiful sentiment, then that matters, right? Like one is one is better than none. So let me come back to your question. Are people open-minded to this? I would say yes and no. And let me tell you a little bit more why there's actually contrarian thought leadership out there against authenticity right now. And I'm actually really tuned in. I i As somebody who advocates for for authenticity being part of my ABC formula to become more charismatic or enhance your risk factor, I want to know why. And what I'm hearing, reading, consuming is that there's tension between authenticity and relatability. Again, another R word that sits behind Riz, and I would argue that you can be relatable to someone, in other words, be responsive, as mentioned, while still maintaining your authenticity. Relatability doesn't mean we have to completely chameleon ourselves and yes, somebody to death and agree with them on everything. We can still relate on maybe four out of five points or the majority three out of five, right? But that doesn't mean that we have to be in complete congruence or in a group-think fashion. So that's where I always say to be really comes into place. It's really hard for leaders to step into their boldness because they're afraid that they're going to be labeled as other than that. They're going to be seen as too radical, or in times like now, where job security is really unpredictable, real shaky. For example, I saw a post from a woman who works at Starbucks, and she was mentioning that there's been two rounds of layoffs in the last six months, and while she was safe, she mentioned in her social media post perhaps this could have negative effects for my career, but I'm scared, I'm angry, I'm sad, because we've been a culture at Starbucks Built on our people, and now we're putting profitability and a strategy ahead of culture. So like, who are we as an organization that is bold, that is so bold to say, and I always say that there's a b word that sits behind boldness, which is bravery. So I've learned through the leaders I've worked for, when they do step into that boldness, while there might be fear on their side that it's going to be rejected or that they're going to be punished, it actually ends up being celebrated. There's more people that come out of the woodwork and say, Me too, or that's exactly what I was thinking. So it's these leaders that are able to relate, or again, able to connect, and they're the ones that ultimately rise.
Kim Meninger
That's such an important point, too, because when I think about the controversy around authenticity, I often think about the, the idea that there are authentic jerks in the world that we give license to when we encourage authenticity. Right? Authenticity doesn't mean being your completely raw, unvarnished self in, you know, interactions with other humans. And I think that's where kindness and boldness need to intersect, because there's this fundamental level of respect. I think maybe that's another R word that you include.
Milam Miller
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, yep, I love it.
Kim Meninger
Because, you know, I think two things can be true at the same time. Is that I can disagree with you, I can have a different opinion, and I can still respect yours, and I can still respectfully disagree, or even to the example that you gave about Starbucks, is that I can feel disappointed. I can feel frustrated, and still, you know, be in relationship.
Milam Miller
Yes. Yeah, it's a yes and the word that comes up for me, in addition to respect, is decency, yes, yes. And I think we as a at least in West. Western culture in North America have maybe lost sight of some decency, and it's, it's a word I I'd be curious if my publisher did a little search, how many times I mentioned it in the book, if at all, for that matter. But I'm glad that you're highlighting it here, Kim, for us in conversation and for whatever comes from, from my next body of work, because I do think that individuals who truly are confident, in other words, they, they've built up a level of competency and proficiency in what they do day to day, but are also kind. They don't lose sight of that humanity, that warmth or approachability, relatability. They're the ones who really are perceived as the most charismatic. And this isn't just fluff. This is research out of Princeton, out of the Fisk lab, a woman named Susan T Fisk, who's worked with Amy Cuddy, who a lot of people have seen her TED talks, and Robert Glick, a number of people. Those two factors are part of the social stereotype content model, which are competence and warmth that I've just put my own lens on, of confidence and kindness. So I really want to, want to want listeners to know that this isn't, this isn't just hopeful or wishful thinking. There is real data behind this. And as you're developing your authenticity, don't lose sight of decency.
Kim Meninger
Yeah, and you know you and I were talking before I hit the record button about the value around belonging, and I think it's really hard to feel a sense of belonging when you are part of a group that's not behaving with basic human decency, right? And we're talking about kindness. I don't see it as fluff, right? I bring that up because I know that there are people who have that perspective, but I see it as a as a catalyst for business outcomes. Because when people don't feel respected, when people don't feel that sense of belonging, when they don't feel psychological safety, right, they just don't perform at their best. And so this isn't an either or proposition. We're actually talking about this as this. This is going to accelerate the outcomes that you're trying to achieve.
Milam Miller
1,000% and I always say that for those who may not understand the result of charisma, charisma is a driver. It's a skill that drives performance, both high performance and individuals, but performance of teams. So the groups I work with, for example, insurance brokers, real estate agents, both commercial and, and some residential teams. When they start to develop their charisma, they realize, Oh my gosh, we're actually performing good as individuals and as a team. And there's so many other groups I've worked with across big tech and again, individuals in rev Gen roles. But it's that idea that we don't want to, to use your word, we don't want to forsake psychological safety just for performance. The two actually can coexist. They 1,000% can. So I would love to see this again, this notion of healthy charisma adopted by leaders, ones that portray healthy habits. Don't say one thing and then act a different way, because that's just cognitively confusing. There's, there's dissonance there. And so we're like, I maybe they're good at what they do, but I don't like how they do it. And it always reminds me of that Maya Angelou quote of like, her definition of success was, I like who I am, what I do, and how I do it, and that comes up often in my work.
Kim Meninger
That is a really great quote. I'm glad you brought that up here too because how we do it, I think, is what people remember.
Milam Miller
That's right, yeah, how we make them feel. Another brilliant, brilliant words from her, as someone who just had a had a way with words.
Kim Meninger
Absolutely. Now, can you talk a little bit about the curiosity piece too?
Milam Miller
Sure, before I go there, though, just something came up kind of a light bulb moment that I think could be cool for listeners, is when I was writing my manuscript, which, by the way, was rejected twice. Kim, Third time's a charm. I The program I was with a hybrid publisher that was kind of helping me accelerate my creativity. And this thought leadership had me watch a video, and it talked about how Maya Angelou, who's such an esteemed Nobel laureate, you know, gave read her poems at presidential inaugurations, again, like around what we perceive as the most charismatic people, but really she had it. She had the Riz and she also had imposter syndrome. Talked about how she had battled writer's block time and time again, and thought nobody's going to want to hear my words. And then, you know, over time, she's, she's been she, she earned, not she was not given. She earned a platform to share her brilliant way with words with the masses. So I'm a huge fan of hers. There was, I wanted to quote her my book, and I wasn't able to do wasn't was not able to do that because of licensing and other issues. But I just had that, that moment, I was like, I gotta mention that with Kim, since you've always been such a champion of talking about imposter syndrome, even people like Maya Angelou had it.
Kim Meninger
Yes, I'm glad you brought that up, because I think one of the things that I often say when. I talk about imposter syndrome is that if you do feel that way, you're in good company, because someone like a Maya Angelou knows exactly the struggle.
Milam Miller
Precisely, precisely well. That's a good segue into your question about curiosity, because I do think one of the best ways to overcome really any limiting belief, any inner critic or saboteur. Voice for fellow coaches that are familiar with some of this vernacular we're using is to get curious about it, whatever the feeling is, because feelings are fleeting, and oftentimes we try to label ourselves as like, I'm an anxious person, as opposed to I'm experiencing anxiety. And this isn't forever. This is temporary, which I truly remind myself of if not daily, on a weekly basis, because being an entrepreneur and dad and all the things, it can be overwhelming, which I'm sure other listeners can relate to. But curiosity is the key to any both self-awareness activity, but also any interpersonal relationship. So what do I mean by that? If you want to become more charismatic, you got to get curious about how you're being perceived, how you're presenting yourself. I have some tactics in the book, for example. One is called the shell technique. And a lot of leaders I work with either really nervous and really clammy. When they walk into boardroom settings, I hear from a lot of women, they feel like they don't belong. They don't have a seat at the table, or maybe it's a proxy seat, so they're just gonna, like, sit there and play with their hair and no shame. But it's that idea of getting curious about what you're doing and how you're presenting yourself. Also, sometimes, some men I work with like they puff their chest like they're going into battle. So the shell technique is really simple. It stands for softening your shoulders, hands out of your pockets or from behind your back, because that can be perceived as a threat or insecurity, right? We're hiding something. Exhale that chest, so you can roll them up and back, but let's make sure we exhale so we're standing there confidently, loosen the arms, and then ultimately, just laugh and lighten up. So it's just a simple framework to, quite literally, get out of your shell, whether it's tense, whether it's bravado, to just stand confidently, stand ready to go. That's what I wanted my book to unlock for people, is, how can I get curious about my body posture? How can I get curious about the other person? Do I need to mirror what they're doing? Do I need to angle towards them? So there's a number of actual tactical things in it to again, improve or enhance interpersonal relationships.
Kim Meninger
Well, and I really appreciate the, the reminder of how important our body language is to this whole concept of charisma as well. It's not just the words and how we say them, but the, the presence that we bring to these interactions as well. And I know that I, as you were saying that, I was like, Oh, I'm probably like, I've got my hands tucked in here, right? And you different when you when your posture is different. And I think about it even in terms of, there are times when I'm really mad, I'll be in an argument with my husband, and I'm like, and he makes me laugh, and I'm like, Don't make me laugh, because I'm not gonna be mad anymore once I start smiling.
Milam Miller
That amazing humor is, is such a good medicine for any conflict levity in life.
Kim Meninger
Yes and that's what I was thinking about too, when you were talking about the final l is, it's just little, seemingly little things that can make a really enormous difference in the energy that we bring to our interactions with each other.
Milam Miller
And that's what charisma is. It's that energetic exchange to a human connection. And so you're so right, we don't want to lose sight of that last l laugh and lighten up because the world is a heavy place like work is hard. It's work wasn't supposed to be easy. It doesn't matter what line you're in, but when we can laugh and lighten up and we're enjoying the work we do and the people we're doing it with, it's amazing, the relationships we can foster and the bonds we can really strengthen. So I always say, you know, if, if in any interpersonal relationship, we gotta have that foundation of trust, and from there, we can really start growing rapport. And charisma is a great skill to do that.
Kim Meninger
I have a question for you, because a lot of the people that I work with are introverted, and I think there is probably maybe an implicit assumption that charisma is an extroverted trait. I wonder what you would say to that.
Milam Miller
Well, I hear that all the time, and I have to be very clear with listeners, I am not an introvert, and I'm not going to claim to be one, because that would be inauthentic. I'm about as extroverted as it gets, but I do work with introverts, and I think early on in my work with them, I thought I can fix them, like, let me just tell you, step one, step two, step three, four and five. It doesn't work that way, right? Because we are all uniquely one of one, and so it's really on the individual to again. Let's take it back to that see get curious about themselves and others, and this is where the reps have to come in, if, if I were working or any. Introverts listening out there, we're working with you. I would, I would just get curious about, like, at what point in time do you put yourself in a social situation or a work situation that feels uncomfortable? What about it is uncomfortable? Are you avoiding those, those opportunities as a result of past discomfort? Are you being forced to go and it's still not getting any better, and really just start to work through it, because the introverts who do become more aware of what's drain actually draining them, because that's what introversion and extroversion really is, ultimately about. Our energy taps and energy drains realize that it's usually not the other person that they're talking to. It's usually like their own insecurity, again, this fixation on self and the spotlights on me. So I would just encourage them put the spotlight on the other person. It's very Dale Carnegie 101, I talk about him greatly in my book, my grandfather. I swear Kim would have been like Dale Carnegie's best friend. He was a used car salesman, and he wasn't sleazy and slimy like all these stereotypes that are put on them. He was so good at not feeling insecure about maybe having not the best fleet of cars out there, but he was so concerned with the other person. What do you need? What's best for you or your family? Let me be your advocate, your ally, your champion, to go and find it if I don't have it on my lot. And he had phenomenal success, right? Because he knew how to connect with other people. So take the spotlight off, you put it on them and see if you start to feel less anxious or less as if your energy has been drained in those situations.
Kim Meninger
I'm glad you said that, because one of the things that I think about a lot and have used myself and my own journey with imposter syndrome and self-doubt is when you are thinking about being of service to others, you naturally show up more confidently. When we're in our own heads, the voice that inner critic gets louder and louder, and we are worried about what other people think about us. But to your point, if I'm putting the spotlight on the other person instead not listening to my own inner critic, I'm listening to the other person. So I think it's a really great insight that you just shared.
Milam Miller
That's right, how can I be of service to them? Or another way to put that, Kim is like, what would it look like for me to be of value or add value to them? And it might just be that simple active listening tool of acknowledging, Hey, I hear you. That's, that's gotta be tough, or, you know, maybe empathizing with this situation. I can relate. I went through something similar. I hear I'm here for you. I feel for you, or it's, it's, it's something else, but it's that idea of simply like, I'm here for you. You know my humanity is here like you're worth my time, my presence, my energy. And when we start to realize that our time, talent and energy is precious, and we're choosing, we're being choiceful of who we're spending it with, then it's becomes less about like, me, me, me, and it becomes about like, hey, I want to help them, them, them, them.
Kim Meninger
Yeah. And you know, you're also making me think about something else too, which is, there's often this tension between, and it's not necessarily explicit, but this tension between being an expert and being a human. And I think sometimes we walk into these rooms feeling this need to prove our competence, and I need to show people how smart and prepared I am, and in the process, we lose that opportunity to be human in the way that you're describing, either we take the spotlight back on ourselves, or miss out on those natural moments for, for empathy and connection, because We're, we're only thinking about what we know or what the content of what we're about to share.
Milam Miller
It's so true and such a good point. And I just love that notion of we don't have to be an expert on everything. And, like, quite literally, we can't, you know, like, it's not possible to take it a step further, too. I had a thought that came up, which was, we also don't have to have an opinion on everything. I feel like we live in such a charge society, probably because of whatever crap the algorithm is throwing us to create division and divisiveness. But I think one of the most liberating principles, and call it stoic, or call it whatever is Do I really need to have an opinion on that? And that's been a huge growth area for myself because I've always been an opinionated person. But it's okay to say, like, I hear your opinion, I see your opinion, I'm I haven't formulated my own yet, or I'm indifferent, or I'm still processing. So that's, I think, hugely powerful as well, because that's That is kind as well to say, I don't know what my opinion is yet, and I'm glad to have your perspective to help inform mine.
Kim Meninger
Yeah, and I think that in, in a way, I think about that in the context of what's going on right now, where we all want to be right. Everybody wants to be right, and so everybody is battling each other on social media. It feels like road rage everywhere you turn, as opposed. To being okay with not jumping into the fray, taking a beat, appreciating someone else's perspective.
Milam Miller
It's so true, because the question that's coming from me is, what is right, you know, and I think the most charismatic people realize there can be multiple ways to solve one problem. You know, there can be plenty of perspectives to consider, right? There's, there's, it's just taking it back to my career, all roads lead to Rome. There wasn't just one right road that led to Rome, right? So it's, it's, that might be a cheeky thing for the listeners to hear, but I, I'm encouraged thinking about that like we don't have to be opinionated and right all the time. We, there's something liberating about being wrong, and the best leaders are the ones that are humble and, and admit it, be like, You know what? I thought that I was right. I was really passionate, but I had it wrong, and I want to, like, own that, and take accountability. Those are the people that it's like, oh, that's charisma. I will follow you any day. You know what I mean, like, because now I'm seeing your humanity. You're not a robot, like you're not perfect, and neither am I, and I feel more resonance with you as a result of your acknowledgement and accountability.
Kim Meninger
Well, and I think you touched on this earlier too, but I think a lot about how we sometimes misinterpret arrogance or bravado as confidence, and I think that that's a really important distinction to make, because, as you've been describing, I think confidence is quiet. If you know your strengths, you know you're here to serve. You don't know everything, and you're okay with that. You don't have to be the smartest person in the room, you don't have to flex your muscles, and you don't have to have an opinion about everything, right? So usually, as you're saying, that's a sign of insecurity more than anything else.
Milam Miller
Absolutely. Yeah, so true. Kim, yeah.
Kim Meninger
Oh my gosh. Milam, I could talk to you all day, but in the interest, right? I would love to ask you to share where people can find your book. Where they can connect with you if they want to learn more about your work.
Milam Miller
Yeah, thanks so much for asking. Kim. My book is on Amazon. If you've ever heard of them, that small retailer. It is called the charisma craft, a modern leadership guide to enhance your Riz factor. Very proud of this body of work, again, dedicated to my late grandfather, who was a used car salesman who passed, and then my son, who arrived two weeks later. So it was a really cool universal like passing the torch moment, all the work I do is through my leadership development and sales enablement consultancy called Be confident and kind dot com Again, www dot be confident and kind dot com and I would love to talk to anyone who think, who feels as if though our work might be able to help them or their teams.
Kim Meninger
Wonderful. Well, those links will be in the show notes. And thank you so much for being here. Mylon, thank you for the example, the model that you're sharing with all of us. I really appreciate you and your work.
Milam Miller
Yeah, you're so welcome. Kim, thank you for having me.
