From Believing to Achieving

In this episode of The Impostor Syndrome Files, we explore how to bridge the gap between believing and achieving and what it really takes to pursue your potential, even when the path ahead is unclear. My guest this week is Adam Haston, entrepreneur and author of The Wonder Effect.

Together, we unpack the importance of believing in yourself, recognizing limiting assumptions and developing a practical framework to move from believing to achieving. Adam shares his perspective on why we must first shed the false narratives we’ve absorbed from others—teachers, advisors, even well-meaning mentors—so we can reconnect with our authentic vision and values.

We also talk about why mindset and strategy matter more than rigid tactics when it comes to change, how to break through the fear of not knowing what you want by paying attention to the everyday clues that already surround you, and the value of seeking advice from people just a few steps ahead of you—and how to balance guidance with your own inner compass.

Whether you’re at a crossroads or simply curious about what’s next, this episode offers a refreshingly honest take on how to take action, one small step at a time.

About My Guest

Adam J. Haston, author of The Wonder Effect, is an entrepreneur, educator, and community leader dedicated to helping others unlock their potential. The founder and CEO of Haston Equity Group, a financial and real estate firm, he combines business acumen with a passion for personal growth.

A former rabbi and director of programming at Chabad of Greater New Haven, Haston learned that transformation begins with truly listening. He has mentored professionals, students, and entrepreneurs, guiding them through career transitions, personal challenges, and leadership development. He has led workshops on financial success, personal growth, and resilience. His philanthropic work includes fundraising for schools, synagogues, and the Friendship Circle, where he organized a charity climb of Mount Kilimanjaro. A lifelong adventurer, Haston has run the NYC Marathon and traveled the world, but his greatest journey is as a devoted husband to Esther and father to seven incredible children. You can learn more at www.adamhaston.com

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Transcript

Kim Meninger

Welcome, Adam. Is so great to meet you and to have you here today. I'd love to start by inviting you to tell us a little bit about yourself.

Adam Haston

Well, Kim, nice to meet you. Thanks for being kind enough to have me on and you asked tell me a little about myself. As I said, Yes, sure. So such an open-ended question, trying to figure out where to start. I as the book title implies The Wonder Effect, I am, I'm curious. I'm curious. Not sure if it's by nature, I'm not sure if it's by nurture, but I've done a variety of different things, and had a variety of different things that I've done that, I would consider successful again, I'm not necessarily famous, and I'm not a billionaire, but, you know, that's not always the that's not always the goal. So I feel like I've done a lot of, a lot of things that I'm grateful that I've been able to do, and I try to have fun while I do it.

Kim Meninger

Well, I love that it's sort of mentality or approach to life, and I'd love to hear more about the book and what led you to it. What's the thinking behind The Wonder Effect?

Adam Haston

Sure. So what's interesting to me is I feel like it's a somewhat strange answer, because obviously, for normal reasons, people ask me the question of what led me to, to write it, and what, what I've come to and being able to give a more succinct answer is basically to say that I made a decision that I was going to write a book, not for a particular reason, but, but once I made the decision to write a book, then the question is, What? Are you going to write about? So I like, funny enough, I feel like what I've started to see is, and it's become like, I've had to become more reflective in having to and when you write something, you have to be more reflective when people ask you about it, you have to think more about it. But what I've noticed about myself is that I have made decisions to do things that, that I couldn't necessarily tell you a reason why I decided to do that. It might be because I like to challenge myself and I like to, to have growth. But you know, for example, you know, I, I ran the New York City Marathon. So I decided I was going to run a marathon, not because I'm a runner, but because it was something that, you know what? I believe that, if you again, similar stuff to, to what I put in the book, I believe that if you make a decision, and you put time, effort and energy into, into seeing that vision into actuality, it's it's possible. You know, running, you know, over miles for most people, is daunting, and they thought of running maybe even three miles is daunting. But one of the things that you come to realize when you're training for the marathon is that it's, and I know this is said about lots of things, and it is somewhat cliche. It's actually more of a mental game than it is a physical game. Of course, it's physical. I don't I'm not downplaying that. But the, the at least for me, my experience was, is that in the training as you're as you're as you're increasing your mileage, it no longer becomes as daunting like you know, once you once you start locking in higher mileage, amounts of where you did, okay, you first did two miles, and then you were able to get up to five miles, and then you, like are slowly building that mileage, it becomes something that's less daunting and less has a less of a sense of impossibility. And I, and just again, I would use that as a metaphor for lots of things in life. You know you might want, you might be at point A, and you want to get a point z, and it seems impossible at this at that point in time, but if you start to lock in those small little gain, those small micro steps, and you back into how that can be possible, then, then it becomes possible. So just to go back to your original question, which is, which is about the book? I made the decision that I would write the book, a book and, and then I wanted to think of something that I felt would be worthwhile communicating. I feel like there's been a lot of business books out there and, and by and what I do presently is, is I'm in business. And so I didn't think that I wasn't at that point in time, I wasn't thinking that I wanted to just be another business book on the shelf. I know there's lots of I know there's lots of books that are in the space of either self-help or personal growth. The part that I feel is somewhat different with that is, that it's less for me, at least it was less of a how, and more of a rationale. What I mean by that is that I, the types of, let's say, the types of self-help books that I'm not drawn to, and I feel like I was trying to fill this gap. Was this sense. That the magic of it all. What I mean by that is, if you just believe, then you can achieve. And I wanted to sort of bridge the gap for those that saw just in general, I'm somewhat skeptical, and so I want to fill in those gaps. Is that really true? If you just believe, then you can achieve? There is a truth to that. It's just It doesn't speak to a whole segment of the population, at least from my standpoint. So the, the what I tried to do is actually put the, the rational framework from I can I believe, to I can achieve. How is that possible? And that's sort of what I feel like my book tries to address, which is how the belief can lead to the achieve if you take these, this steps and you apply this framework that that's, that's what I ended up putting into the book. And I wanted to put something that I felt would be applicable to, to all ages. I, I felt that it would apply specifically and how I wrote, it was towards, you know, to year olds, just in my mentality of who I was writing to, and that's because I think that they're the biggest segment of the population that believes like without, without any need to believe. It's just, it's that stage in life where, where the whole the world of all possibilities is in front of you. So that's the easiest one to, to slot this in and say, Okay, this is the framework that I would use with that mentality. I believe that it's true at all, at all ages and, and at later stages. It's just that sometimes people are getting crusted with a certain outlook, that they believe that they're locked into something, and to some degree, they are because of either personal obligations, all this kind of stuff, to which I would still say it's possible, it's just you have to mitigate things differently, or you have to take slightly different approaches. But the, the outlook is still the same.

Kim Meninger

I love the way you describe that practical framework to get you from believing to achieving. Because I think going back to what you were talking about when you're talking about the marathon, too, so much of life is mindset and what we believe is possible for ourselves, what we believe we're worthy of, right? So often we have an inner critic that jumps in and says, that's you're going to fail, right? You can't do that. That's, you're not good enough for that. And so I wonder, when you thought about your own framework, how much of it was rooted in sort of tactics and, and practical steps versus mindset, or what do you see the relationship between the two?

Adam Haston

What do I, what do I see as the relationship between mindset and tactics? So I, so I first would say that there's before tactics would come strategy. So tactics are useful in at least from my viewpoint, our texts are useful when it's applied to a grander strategy. So the, the process that I tried to lead people through is that they, they, I hesitate saying certain things because so everyone has biases, okay, and, and I'm not sure, I'm not sure to what extent you can, can remove biases, but I do think that it's helpful to have an awareness of them and try to at least lower the threshold, or lower the implications, or lower the impact that the biases have on us. So what I really try to start out with, and what I advocate for, is that you like the first chapter of the book is called Crush False Idols. And basically, false idols, I say essentially, are those experts, and I'm saying in people's mindsets of who they believe can tell them what they can or cannot do. It could be your guidance counselor. It could be your first grade teacher that says that you're not you're not creative enough, or you're not an artist, or whatever it could be, any of those things. But basically what it is to say is, is that you first have to realize that there's a whole bunch of, of things that have been layered upon you that are all that are exterior to your own individuality. So first you have to try to, to the degree that you can push those aside and, and only when you've pushed them aside to a point can you then actually get a sense of, like you’re the, the signals that are bubbling up inside of you, of those things that you're actually interested in, not interested in because somebody else has said, oh, you know what? Because you're good with numbers, then you should be a mathematician. I'm just saying that as an example. So in other words, like people will apply those things to you, and you might not. You might be good at numbers, but have no interest in being a mathematician. Again, like that, that skill has so many possible applications. It's just you might be going a certain direction because, because that's what somebody else has, has improved. Upon you. So again, it's first, like removing those biases or those things that have been placed upon you, and then you have a chance to get to know who you really are. And then you can be creative. You can be explorative. You can go after those things what I try to, so again, I'm sorry, like, I'm still mindful of the question that I'm addressing, which is it mindset or tactics? So it's first, you have to have a grander strategy, and you have to have the vision of what like, what you're even wanting to go for, but you can only know what you want to go for if it's going for something that hasn't been just told to you, but that's coming to, to a degree from, from your internal framework or makeup. So then once you have that vision, then the tactics and mindset apply. So I, so I feel like there is a really solid, good mix of both in the book. So when you, when we talk about tactics. Tactics, I feel like, in a, in a book that's about a specific like, let's say the book was about real estate. So in, in real estate, even within real estate, there's obviously sub subsets of that. So, so the tactics can be a little bit more specific. So I would say, in in a book like this, which is has a little bit of a broader appeal, the tactics are, are, are tactics that have to do with mental and mostly mental, because that that is what it that that's the way that you have to go, after the things that you want to do. So, so, so, for example, I would say that there, there's a, an approach that I would say that you have to look at the way that you're going, after the things that you want to do, and from a standpoint of like this part, I would say is a tactic. So you say, Okay, here's my grander vision and, and then you have to back into, how can you get from where you are to that? So the tactic would be to say, Okay, you break that down into smaller steps, and then you go after that. So that, that would be the tactical part of it. But then, let's say, when you're doing, going towards those, those little steps, you, you, you're you encounter obstacles, you encounter failures, like it seems like it's not worth it. So that's where you have to have the mental framework of the mindset that shifts in that says that this is how you should look at, at that. So there is both, but that's, that's the way that I would kind of look at I feel like, I don't know if I would say it's 50-50, or 80-20, I'm not really sure how I would break down the exact Tactics versus the mental approach, but I think it is a good mix of both.

Kim Meninger

Yeah, and I think that there for a lot of us, we want the blueprint, right? We want someone to tell us what are the actual steps that I need to take, and then I can do it. But the reality, as you just said, is that as we're taking those steps, there are going to be bumps in the road, there are going to be setbacks. There are going to be times when we're doubting ourselves, and it's being able to push through those that I think are really critical, because it's easy to assume that a roadblock is a, a stopping point, right? Like, oh, well, I tried it and it didn't work, and so I'm just going to go do something else instead.

Adam Haston

Right, right, right. The, the other part that I would say is on a, on a practical tactic, would be even, even, even if you had a vision of where you want to go, and let's say that you wanted to be an actor, so you might have, you have to also, again, the tactic that, the other tactic alongside that would be okay, you can back into how you Do that. It could be, it could be doing your own YouTube channel so that you gain awareness. It could be that you go to agents or agencies. It could be that you try to get into commercial source. There's a million ways that you could probably go about doing that. And again, just doing that as an exploration or as experiments as is helpful, but, but the other part of that is, is you have to be aware of your own I call it setting your compass, which is to say that you have to also have aware, have an awareness of in that whole vision, what are the values for you that are core? Because I, again, I've both read and seen it, where you have, again, just to continue along with this example, you have actors that I think end up compromising their own values in and they, they compromise on their own selves in the pursuit of this, of this vision. And the question is, is that if you knew that, if you knew at the outset that these would be issues, then you would change. Is the way that you would be approaching that. So I think that's the same thing with, with lots of areas in life, you, you have to also have an awareness of what your personal set of values are, and, and your own compass, so that you know where you want to go, so that when you actually arrive in that place, it it's the way that it's the way that you actually wanted it to be, not it turned out differently because you just didn't even have any compass. You just went on your merry way without being thoughtful about it.

Kim Meninger

Yeah, and I think that thoughtfulness is exactly what I think about a lot, too, the intentionality behind it, because a lot of times we're so reactive. We're operating in a really fast-paced world. We've got a lot of things on our to-do list. There's very limited time to reflect, or we don't create a lot of time to reflect. And so I wonder, too, as you think about your own methodology and your own experience, how would you advise people to even start this process, to even think about thinking about this right in the midst of all of the busyness that we're constantly surrounded by?

Adam Haston

You're asking, how would somebody get started?

Kim Meninger

Yeah, I'm just thinking, you know, a lot of people just feel like I don't have time. I don't have time to do this. I don't have time to think. I don't I don't know. I mean, one of the most common things that people say with me, say to me, is, I don't know what I want, right? I know what I don't want. I have no idea what I want, and it feels like such a daunting process to even arrive at that point.

Adam Haston

Right. So, I feel like I'm I feel like I more likely would have put some things in the book when it was being written, had the had the technology been around, but, but really, thankfully for having AI around, I I would have inserted certain ideas into the book, Had that been around when, when I was writing it again, I wrote it just as the emergence was coming into being, even when it came out, it was, it was somewhat of a funny conversation, because It was at a much simpler stage. I mean, I finished writing the book probably about, I want to say, like, three years ago, just for the sake of context and, and then again, you go through an editing process and all the rest to get it to actually publish. But, but, but. I mean, it really the simplest thing that I would say. And it's interesting to me. I read a go back to the actual I'll go back to the actual question, but, but I read an article yesterday about the, the, the generational difference in the way that that the just using broad strokes, the way the younger generation is looking at, at AI versus the older generation is looking to AI. And the article, I think, references somebody that had a jaw problem, that they went to doctors and doctors and this sort of like, and in this one article, sort of like, speaks to a lot of, a lot of the outlook of the book about experts and all the rest. But they went to doctors, doctors could not figure out what was wrong with their jaw? And they, funny enough, they went on to ChatGPT, and they, they described their problem, they asked for it to give guidance and help. And it ended up saying, it ended up basically telling them that if you do this type of exercise for your jaw, it will make that clicking and that issue go away. And sure enough, within like, a minute, this had been a, this had been a problem the person was having for like five years, and within a minute, it was able to give the guidance that all the experts in the world had not yet helped with. So, so basically, what the article was saying is, is that the older generation looks at it as a, as a, a better search engine, essentially, versus the younger generation is looking at to some degree, as a coach, as a guide, all this kind of stuff. So I think that it's an amazing tool. And again, the way that I would probably approach it now, again, with, with what I'm saying in here, is I would basically say, Look here all my circumstances right now. I'm unsure of what I want to do. I want to do. I would love it if you ask me 1,000,001 questions. Okay, you don't have to say that. You could say 10-15-20 questions, or whatever. Ask me questions that will help evoke answers that I can, that I can respond to and, and, and help me get a sense of what are, what are areas of interest that I have. That's how I would approach it now, how I said it in the book, though, just to, to answer specifically how I actually wrote about it. I actually wrote about it is I said that I don't believe people when they say that I don't believe it because people occupy themselves. They, they occupy themselves with things. Some people might be into sports. Some people might be into health and beauty. Other, other people might be interested in movies. So there's a whole bunch of interest that, like, inherently, people are already and even within that, like, what are you what are you watching? And if you just are thoughtful, and you start thinking about, Okay, I'm, I'm interested in finding out what my interests are. Start looking. I would say, start, like on your bookshelf. Start seeing what's, what's, what are in the magazines that you're reading, if it's a, if it's a Tiktok or Instagram, like, what, what are you engaged with? What are you regularly doing? And those are like, huge hints and signals to what your interests are. And that might not be the thing that you end up doing but, but it has the ability to help get you momentum and going towards the thing that you might be actually interested in. So that's really the way that I would say. And I think either approach are perfectly fine. I think helpful. There was a there was a professor that that I used to have conversations with before, before I got into really anything. It was like I was just, just married, and I was trying to figure out what, what I wanted to do. So his, his advice to me was, and this is like even older school. So he said to me, take, get a notebook. He says, write down whatever you might be interested in. Go to the library, take out the, take out the books and just start reading about it. So I remember then the three things that I wrote down were real estate, manufacturing and, and finance. And so I started to that's how I started to explore it. Now I like years later, in some interesting way, I ended up in getting being involved in all three of those in a way that I would never have perceived. But I still like that advice. I received cash. It must have been like 25 or 26 years ago. And, you know, it came to fruit like it was a long arc till, till that all ended up happening. And very circuitous way that it ended up happening, but it ended up happening so again, I think that that again, it leaves these seeds, or these mental these mental residue, where you end up pursuing it in the background, even if you're not realizing it.

Kim Meninger

I love that the, the practicality of what you just shared, too, because I think you're right. We, we may not be connecting with consciously, with what we're interested in, but we're doing it all day long. And looking at your phone, looking at what Tiktok videos are you watching? What? Uh, What? What? Catching your attention when you're online is a great starting point. And it's really, I think about a little bit of self-discipline too, to just carve out small chunks of time. And that's why I like when you talk about micro steps, because a lot of the people that I talk to when they're thinking about either making a change or trying something new that they've been thinking about for a while. It just feels really scary and really hard, but when you break it down into these much smaller steps, it feels more doable and it builds its own momentum as you were talking about initially, when you're talking about the marathon, right? So I think the starting point is the most crucial part of the process for people who have been in this limbo state for a while.

Adam Haston

Yeah, there, there's, there was some advice that I, that I heard once, which was that the person that you, that you need to get the advice from, and this is, again, generally applicable. You don't want the person like, for example, if you wanted to get into online retail sales, the person that you don't want to talk the person that won't be helpful necessarily, is going to be Jeff Bezos. He's like, way too far down the road to even like, like, even get to your level. What you need is the person that's like, two or three years down the road from where, where you're presently at, to be able to give the guidance for you to be able to get to so, so I think that that's a help, like just a helpful step in thinking about who, who you might think about asking for guidance. It shouldn't necessarily be again, if you have access to the guy that's the billionaire great. But if you don't, you know, I would try to also get some guidance from people that are closer to where, where you're where you are at but, but in other words, further down the road, enough that you can see them as being someone who can be helpful to you.

Kim Meninger

I think that's a really good point, too. And I was going to ask you about that. How do you see the support of others fitting into your model, especially given the fact that you had talked about the false idols, right? And I think that everybody comes with an agenda, whether they mean to or not. So my values are not your values. If you're asking me for advice, it's going to be very much filtered through my experience my lens. Is there advice that you would offer to people to try to maintain some objectivity around it and be able to sort through what is somebody else's perspective versus what is relevant to me?

Adam Haston

I don't think that. I don't think I actually have any good advice specifically to that. Yeah, I think, and it's just like the, my real answer would be, you have to be thoughtful and think for yourself. I mean, like, there's, there's a line, I think that I that I put in there, which want to say it's from, I think it's from Thoreau, which says that you have to think for yourselves. Because if you don't, others will think for you without thinking of you. So you really have to realize that you have more capability than you think, and you and you have to take in the advice that people are giving. But it doesn't mean you have to do what they say, and just because they are, again, quote, unquote, the expert in that area that like it's wisdom that you're receiving, but you have to, you always have to make your, your own judgments. Now I'll you previously, you made me think. You made me think of, you made me think of like, it's, it's like a different type of, of advice on the on the guidance or the mentorship thing, which was what for, for year, for about four years, I was commuting, had a very long commute, and I what I did, what it provided for me, ironically, was hours to listen to podcasts. This was, I would say, the time period was from 2013 to 2017, and, and I was like, sometimes that commute would be an hour or hour and a half each way, and sometimes it could be three hours each way. And all I was doing was listening to, for the most part, real estate podcasts, because that, because that was what I wanted to get into now, what it what it did for me is not so much, give me the tactics or even the strategy, really, because but what they were doing this is where I was going with on that previous answer. But like the person that's like two or three years down the road from you, is they were interviewing people who had also got started in real estate. They were probably about three or four years down the road from where I wanted to be and what it you know, each person had their own strategy, their own tactics, their own ways of getting to be successful in in real estate. But what it did for me, ironically, was it gave me the confidence to say these people are not any more geniuses than I am. They're smart people, but, but like they, they were willing to put in the time, effort and energy to see that success and, and so what it gave me was a confidence that if they could do it, I felt I could do it, and I think that, I think that's a very helpful thing to consider and think about when you're listening to podcasts, or if you're exploring your interests in different ways, that you that if you, if you end up receiving that, that that confidence builder, that's a huge thing to being able to go After what you what you want to go after. And again, I really do believe that this applies into every possible genre of life experience, or life skills or anything that you want to do. It really is a matter of having the confidence and belief in yourself that if you are willing to give that time and effort and energy, you, you, you can achieve that. Now, where I, where I would say, like, when I come in with, like, okay, it sounds too Woo, Woo to me, is like the practical side. So then I think, Okay, what about the guy that is five-six and wants to be a NBA basketball player right now? The thing is, like, back in the day, there was a, I don't remember how tall he was, but there was a guy, Spud Webb, okay. He was he was short. I don't remember how short he was, but shorter than everyone else, how he developed the skill. I don't know. It does mean that it is possible, it might be very improbable, that most people could do it fine. But it doesn't necessarily mean that you can't be in the room, if you will. And that means to say, Okay, if you can't be the basketball player, can you be the writer? Can you be the journalist? Can you be the one behind the camera? Can you be working in the stadium? There's a whole array of things that you can be in the room, if you will, to do that. So that's, that's what I that's what I mean by that.

Kim Meninger

I think that's really helpful. And I often think about it too, as if you don't get too attached to one specific way of doing it, but you get at the essence of what it is that you love or what you know, then you can find and you had mentioned something like this earlier, too. There are lots of different paths that can extend from there. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. This has been so helpful, Adam, I really appreciate your bringing this perspective and your insights. If people want more from you your book, you know how sort of any, any other tips that you have, where can they find you?

Adam Haston

Sure? So it's just the easiest place to play at the website. Adam Haston. Com, which is Adam, obviously, is easy to spell, Haston, and is H-A-S-T-O-N dot com.

Kim Meninger

Wonderful. And I'll make sure that link is in the show notes as well. And thank you again for being here. I really appreciate it.

Adam Haston

Sure, of course. Thank you, Kim. I really appreciate it. It was enjoyable.