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You’re Never Ready

Kim Meninger

You’re Never Ready

In this episode of the Impostor Syndrome Files, we talk about getting out of our comfort zones. When was the last time you felt ready to do something scary? If you’re human, then probably never. My guest this week is Eddy Smits, a motivational speaker and communication and leadership expert. Because we’ll never feel ready, we have to just do it, which he likens to jumping into the pool rather than slowly getting wet. Having been a school teacher and a hospital clown in previous careers, Eddy shares powerful insights about what we can learn from children and childhood. We also talk about resisting the urge to conform, embracing our authentic selves and treating life with more playfulness.


About My Guest

Eddy Smits is a seasoned professional artist who spent 25 years captivating diverse audiences and, as a hospital clown, touched the lives of over 10,000 sick and palliative children.


His unique journey led him to become an expert in authentic communication and leadership, which he details in his book ‘Model C’. Since 2012, Eddy has applied these insights to the field of personal development, using the techniques of a hospital clown and positive intelligence to boost Mental Fitness and leadership.


As a speaker, Eddy shares powerful life lessons, challenging conventional thinking and inspiring creativity, resilience, and self-discovery in all who listen.


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Transcript

Kim Meninger

Eddy, welcome, Eddy. It is wonderful to talk with you today, and I would love to start by inviting you to introduce yourself.


Eddy Smits

I will do that. Thank you for the invite to start with. So I'm Eddy, Eddy Smits from Belgium. I am actually a teacher by study. So I that was late 80s, and then I found out real quick that I love to work with children, but I didn't like the structure of school, of school, how everything worked for me. There wasn't enough creativity. I couldn't I couldn't get away with my creativity, actually, and it's really stopped me from doing my thing. And so are there a few other jobs, not very important, just nine to five jobs. And then at some point, I got the opportunity to work for center parks, which is a holiday center, and I came in contact with artists there, right? And that triggered me. And at the same time, there was like a Belgian clown here on television who had a program, and I could see how that figure of a clown attracted children, right? And that was something I was I was looking for, because in the in that period, I was already playing puppet theater. I had my own puppet theater company, but puppet theater was a little bit on the decline back then, and I really wanted to do something that I could make my living off. Not that clowning would be that easy to do. But anyway, the, the figure of the clown intrigued me. I went out and get some information that time without the Internet. So I visited the library, did my research and, and I started to take my first steps into clowning. Started with, with, like a birthday party for kids. And it grew. It grew. It grew until I had, yeah, a nice thing going. And then at some point, they asked me to perform for six children in hospitals, which was a really cool challenge, I thought. So I said, Yes, I did that for 10 years, actually. So I visited more than 10,000 palliative and six children in this 10 years. And that period was like for me, that was is still the foundation of what I'm doing now. So what I learned there, the insights I got in life, in, in people, in in business, everything, actually, I learned so much during that 10 years. Also wrote a book about that. It's called Model C, and that was also the beginning of, of my, let's say my, my career in personal development, because in 2015 I stopped performing, and 2018 I started coaching. Started the years in between was merely finding out what I wanted to do, following courses and etc, etc. Also had a little bit of a burnout, maybe even a big one, but I crawled out of that and coached a lot, also during COVID, because very much doing a lot during COVID online. Yeah, that was the only way to do. But at some point I missed the stage. I missed the stage so much. I was always on stage as a performer. And so I did a TED talk. I got that opportunity, did that TED talk, and that launched me, actually, to do more, more of that work, more keynote speeches, more inspiring people. And since then, I'm doing that. And I started a new business, also, which will go online in January, but it's in Dutch, so it's for Belgium and Holland, which will be around leadership with this, which is also the topic of my TED Talk. So that's it, briefly.


Kim Meninger

That's an interesting I can see how there are some common threads. But on the face of it, it is so interesting to think of you going from being a teacher to then having these nine-to-five jobs to then being a clown to then being a coach, right? So when you look back on your career path, does it make sense to you? Like, how do you put all those pieces together?


Eddy Smits

Um, it does make sense, and sometimes in a very funny way, I always try to follow my passion, and I always try to do the things that were necessary to get me to the next stage. I remember when I thought about the idea of being a clown, I knew nothing about it, so the first thing I was, was, go, go, look for big shoes, right? I thought that. I mean, for me, that was the first thing I had to have. Then the second thing they had all this, this, this makeup, clown makeup. So I follow the course in that, then I follow the course in body language, etc, etc. So always, for. Followed my passion always looked okay, what do I need to get to the next level in my business? Or what do I want like in an artist way? Artistically, it was always the balance, right? You had to be artistically, you had to grow, but also your business had to grow, because it was my living, it was my earning. So I had to constantly balance between those two. And I think everything I did at some point is important for what I do. Now I remember the beginning of my artist career. I didn't have any gigs, so I worked as a waiter. But that experience was so valuable because you know to learn people, right? You know to learn how they react on you when you say. You learn to reply with humor if they are not very happy, or if they're like, or you learn to smile to them if they are like with a face like that, right? Which? Which cheers them up. Yeah, you interact with the children. So I think everything that I did had some kind of purpose, sometimes very intentional, but other times, yeah, it was necessary to do these things, and I didn't. I also that was not so long ago that I really had to find a nine-to-five job again. You know, the income was after COVID. It was a disaster. But you because during COVID, I was online, I had my jobs, and then COVID was over, and everybody wanted back. Wanted me back live, but I was in Nigeria that moment, so my clients in Belgium, or wherever they were, I mean, so, so I had to take nine-to-five job again. But, you know, seeing back on that job, it taught me so much about leadership again, that that which I was doing already, that TED talk, and that drove me along further. So, yeah, it's I try to follow my gut. I try to follow my passion, and that has led me so far. It has only brought me good things.


Kim Meninger

And when you talk about making these kinds of transitions, they can also feel really scary. Like how did self-doubt play in if at all, in your journey?


Eddy Smits

There's always self-doubt. I think every artist knows that feeling just before he goes on stage. There's a lot of nerves, a lot of uncertainty. I remember the times where we had new plays, where we had to learn our lyrics and doubt that, Oh, my God, are we going to forget things and stuff? And I found out that the best thing to overcome that imposter syndrome is just do it. That's the best thing. And I know that takes nerves, but, you know, it's like, I always compare it with, if you go swimming and it's nice weather and but, but it's early in the season and the water is still a little bit cold. You see these people are touching with their hands and their feet, and it's cold, cold, cold. So they don't jump in at the end of the day. So the best thing there is, I call it the swimming pool technique, right? The best thing there is, just jump in. You can't turn back in the middle of your jump, right? And, yeah, that's, that's what I can advise people. Just jump in. You're never ready, you know. You must consider that you are never ready. You know, if you want to write a book, you never think it's finished. In our days, if you write a play, we never thought it was good, um, if you have a relationship, you never think it's good, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Or, or you, I mean, into going into a relationship, and the only no to really discover if it works is to jump in. I think it's the only way. And, you know, sometimes you have to immediately steer back, or, let's say the water is really too cold, yeah, then you jump out again, you know, I mean, yeah, nothing happens, right? You're not dead, you're just cold, right? And then that's the same in business. Sometimes things work. I remember we developed a play that cost us like 15 to 20,000 euro, which is comparable with dollars in the days, and we couldn't even get the cost back. And then another play I made for like three-four hundred dollars and it was one of my best place that I, that I ever did. So you never know an advantage. How is it going to turn out? But you must take the jump, and if you believe in it, and if you are passionate about it, even when you fail, there's always so much to learn and it will get you to the next stage.


Kim Meninger

You said. So many great things there. I think the, the swimming pool analogy is such a good one, because we've all been there, and we've all seen with my kids too, right? It's like, you're, you're, you're prolonging the agony by swinging baby steps at a time, right?


Eddy Smits

But, if you look at kids, you know, they are better in it, you know, they, they, they throw their clothes and they roll to the pool and they just jump in, right? They don't care if they have those sunscreen on, or they don't even think about, is this what they're going to be called? They just jump in. So you can learn one of them about, about the life in general. And that's also what I did, right? I learned a lot about life from kids.


Kim Meninger

Yeah, that's a really good point. And, and I'm a big believer that confidence follows action, just as you're describing like, I love how you said you're you never feel ready, because it's true. You're never going to feel ready until you do it and then you realize it didn't kill me, right?


Eddy Smits

Absolutely only get confidence by doing things, and if evaluate them after it. And then you go for if it's not okay, okay, then it's not okay. You, you adjust if it's, It's okay. You say hey, and you also go to the next one. Whether you, you succeed or not, you have to go to the next one anyway. So yeah. What's the point of, of having doubt, actually, but it's very human. It's very human. Everybody has it, [you're right,] yeah, everybody has it. I know I can't come up the name anymore, but I it's a very maybe it will come it's a famous performer. He still vomits before every single show, yeah, because he's so nervous that he's, he vomits and every time again, and he has a career of like, 25-25 years, he still does it. So that's, yeah.


Kim Meninger

Well, I once heard somebody say the only difference between anxiety and excitement is the story we tell ourselves because it's the same physiological experience. And so I think about that too. When you're go about to go on stage, you can interpret that as nervousness and fear and terror, right? Or you can, you can experience it as excitement and anticipation too, right? Because if you didn't care, if you didn't have those feelings, you'd be probably like eh you wouldn't be invested in it, right?


Eddy Smits

So, and one other thing, it's also for you, is also interesting. There are only two natural fears that we have. It's a fear of sound and the fear of falling. That's the only two natural fears we have. All the others have been taught to us. These are the two natural ones. All the other ones are. We got them from our parents, our teachers, our, our friends, whatever. But these are the two weird ones. All the rest is, yeah, we learn them.


Kim Meninger

That's really interesting. Well, then just that we can unlearn them.


Eddy Smits

Absolutely. Of course, everything we, we once learned we can unlearn absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And so, so that's also why little children are not afraid to do things and are not afraid to experience because they don't have that, that thought of, of they don't have these things that somebody told them, like, be careful for this, but be careful for that. They don't have that yet. That's also why they do just do things they are playing, and they experiment, and they take something and it's hot. Oh yes, oh, that's hot, okay. But anyway, let's go on, you know. And the older we get, the more that disappears. So our own experiences sometimes block us, and we assume that if we do something again, that it will have the same result. But that's not always the case. We have to really do it before we can be sure that it works or not. There were so many plays we did and it didn't work. And we said, oh, we're not going to do that again. And then at some point, some of we were at a place where we did the show before, and the guy said, why don't you do that piece anymore? That was hilarious. We were like, What do you mean hilarious? Nobody laughed, yeah, but it was so good you have to really put it back in your show. And then I had something, okay, we'll do it again. And suddenly it worked. And so, I mean, sometimes it lays in stupid things sometimes, but if we don't do it, we don't know it. So, yeah.


Kim Meninger

Well, I think that's a really good point too is that we think we can predict the future when we can't, and we are so limited by our imagination, and when what you said too about play and experimentation is such a better way of approaching our risks or our fears, because. Because you've said a few times now, which I really love is make adjustments. We cannot possibly predict what the outcome is going to be, because we don't know all the different factors that are going to influence that outcome, but we do know that once we have that information, we can make informed decisions about what we tweet, just on the other side, right?


Eddy Smits

You know, I again, I compare it with a child who's, who's trying to learn to how to walk right? And it doesn't get into him. And I he falls. But there's no doubt in his mind. There's no thing in his mind that says, Oh, let me just stay and crawl. You know, let me just I'm okay, let me just crawl. It's not happening, and yet, as adults, we so often say, Oh, let me just crawl. It's unbelievable, right? It's unbelievable.


Kim Meninger

Yeah, that's a really good one too. I often use that as a way of demonstrating that we are born with a growth mindset, right? Otherwise, we would all just keep crawling and not walking.


Eddy Smits

Exactly. I mean, if you see that the progress we made in science over the sales last 100 years, it's, it's mind-blowing, it's mind-blowing. And that's not by not trying things out, you have to try things out, you know.


Kim Meninger

Well, and I think that's the fundamental challenge for so many of us because we're really talking to high achievers who have very high expectations of themselves, who put a lot of pressure on themselves. And the irony is that if you don't take these kinds of risks, and you aren't willing to step outside of your comfort zone, you're only going to be ordinary because you're not giving yourself the space to create something new.


Eddy Smits

You’re but nothing wrong with that. But that's fact. That's really a fact. Yeah, it's I mean. And the thing is, we, as people, we get stuck in our head so often, most of the time, and the more our society is evolving, the more we stay in our head. Look at children nowadays, right? They are on their iPads, and which is for me, it's in their head, right? Yeah, I'm a little bit older already, but we used to play outside in trees and alongside of the roads and these kind of things, they are not happening. There are still happening, but not, not as often. And there are children that are that don't have that anymore. They live in a city in an apartment, and they play on their iPads, right? Even contact, real contact with real children. Luckily, there's still school where they are going so they have real contact with people, but it starts there, right? With children already there in their heads. And what I see now, especially with young children, they can't communicate anymore. That's true, right? With me as a child, and we were communicating and fighting with words, even or and if we couldn't get the better ourselves, sometimes we even hit somebody, right? But it was all part of the game, right? But nowadays, I have a daughter. She's 30, right? And to get her on the phone is a challenge, right? You can text her and message her and that you, but before she picks up, I need to let, let it ring tweet the three times, and then she says, Oh, it's probably important. I'll pick up right? Otherwise, they are afraid of the of the verbal, especially the visual communication. [Yes.] And there's so much in that there's so much value in that there's so much you know, if you type a message or are you chatting with someone, there's no emotion to the text. We invented these emotions, right? But that's not the same. That's, that's like even the emotion, emotic... I can't even pronounce the word emoticons, right? Even they don't reflect what we actually do or say. It's just what we think we have to put there. [Yes.] We are looking to the body language, to, to the eyes, to tone of voice, also, right? It all and, and we take that in unconsciously because we have learned it through our things. And that's, that's going away, that's going away, and it's pity. Yeah, I think that's for my generation, that's something we need to learn and relearn. The younger generation, how? How do you communicate in a natural way, in a without looking down or whatever, just be yourself, and it doesn't matter? You know, sometimes when I go on stage and promoters, sometimes have that, yeah, can you do it? Can you do anything about your accent? And my answer is always, no, I can, but I won't, because this is me. I'm from Belgium. I am no Native American or English speaker, if you want to, if you want somebody whose English is perfect, yeah, then book somebody else, but not me. They need to book me, right? I This is what I do. This is what I'm telling your audience, which and they you told me they want to hear something like that, if they can't see or hear through the accent, sorry, but then we have the wrong keynote speaker.


Kim Meninger

You're absolutely right. And I want to go back just for a moment to what you were saying too about communication. Is so important. I think about this a lot with my two kids too, because my boys are 14 and nine, and my 14-year-old, one of his closest friends, lives three houses down from us, literally a five-minute walk, and they only communicate on their computers. And they when they were younger, they would go to each other's houses. They didn't know how to play. They didn't know how to just free-play, right? They needed they would sit there on their computers next to each other. My husband would send them outside, and they would just be lost. They didn't know what to do. And that, if you think about generations coming up behind us or the, there are going to be a lot of insecurities around communicating in the workplace, around communicating in the broader world because they…


Eddy Smits

Already started. Kim, it's already started.


Kim Meninger

Exactly. And so you know, you can see how we're already, many of us, prone to doubt ourselves when it comes to sharing an idea that feels like a risk or maybe reaching out to somebody that we don't know. But then if you add that other layer, like you're describing of just it's completely outside of your comfort zone and how you've grown up, it's going to trigger you.


Eddy Smits

Yeah, let's see how it evolves. But I think, I think we cannot, the more AI is going to evolve, the more we need human interaction. I'm not against AI. I account. I can't judge about AI because I don't know anything about it, but what I can say is that the more that will evolve, the more we have we need counterbalance for that, and the more human touch we need to have with people, because otherwise, you know, people need people. I and I think most people experienced that during COVID. I mean, then my mother was still alive. She was in a care house on the first floor. I had to go downstairs with my phone in her hand and her on the phone like this to see her right, but I needed that right. What I missed that period is, is just that in the human contact, I was so glad that I could go to a friend to say, yeah, come on, don't we are going after them all right, we are coming together. We are going to have a glass of wine together. And if we get COVID, yeah, then we get COVID period, right? Because we needed that social contact. We needed this, not on the phone, not online. We needed to do, yeah, I will always say, I will practically say, smell each other, right? [Oh, yeah.] Because that's something that's missing. The touch is missing. But that are two, that are two sentences, we are missing two of the six we are missing in what we are doing now, yeah, if I think, if your child comes with four out of six, you say, yeah, it's okay, but five or six would be better, right? It's, it's just, just more than half, and that's not enough. That's not enough to have a meaningful relationship with somebody. So yeah.


Kim Meninger

You're absolutely right. And I think just encouraging people to humanize their interactions with each other is important on so many levels, but it also from a confidence perspective. You just feel more confident when you're with people that you know and trust, and you just if everyone's a stranger, if everybody's just a, you know, a being on the other side of the screen. You're not going to speak with that.


Eddy Smits

Now, on the other hand, I had, I really had, also there were new friendship. I discovered new people, etc. So it is possible, but you know, now, it's a pity they are then from Australia and from all the place. But there's someone with from England too, and probably I'm going to meet her one of these days, right? Because you, you yearn for that real connection too. Yeah, you were in COVID, you were aligning every week with each other. But still, you feel it's not enough. There has to be this, this last link has to be there to really connect. And yeah, it will, it will get we will get there someday, right? So, yeah.


Kim Meninger

No, you're absolutely right. And just to go back for a second to what you were saying too, about I'm not the right person for this. If you want somebody who's a native English speaker, I think that's really important too, because think sometimes we feel like we're defective in some way, or that we're not good enough, when in actuality, it's just not the right fit for us. And so if you can't change the fact that you're not a native English speaker, but that doesn't make you less than as a human right just means that's not the right job for you.


Eddy Smits

You need to be authentic. And I always. Say the hardest thing to do is being yourself. It's the hardest thing there is, and it should be the most simple, but it is, and again, it's taken by us when we are a child, when you are a child, and you drop a face, right? You get a you get a spanking, or you have to pay it out of your pocket, whatever, right? You get punished for that. If you say, Oh, I was it, then you get punished. So next time you drop the face and you brush all the glass under the table and wasn't working, right? [Wasn't me.] Wasn't me, so you learn to be not yourself. And the ones who are as I'll say, oh, sorry, it was me, they are punished, right? They get punished. So authenticity is something that is so, so, so important and, and the thing is, once you, you make that click, what happens then is that people will come up to you, and always the right people. That's the funny thing about it, you know. And when you're not authentic, the wrong people will come up to you, but you think that you have the right people. There's the there's the bizarre thing, and there's the thing that goes often wrong is that you pretend to be somebody you are not. So it's, if you think about it, it's not more than logical that you get the wrong people right, and, and, but again, it is very hard again. I wrote a post some, some months ago about that. You know, the kids in school when we were young and fresh that had something special, like they dyed their hair red, or they were their clothes were out of the ordinary, right? We laughed for them, right? But they were themselves. They were trying to find themselves. And what does society do? They, they laugh at them. We laugh at them. But the only thing that they are doing is they are looking for themselves, and they are clothing themselves like they feel. Oh, I feel good with this. I feel good all in black. I feel now. I feel good when I dye my hair red. We punish them. We punish them, we make fun of them. So what do they do? You have two possibilities, or they get stronger and just continue to do that, and that's fine. Or they gave up and they say, Okay, I'll confirm to dyeing my head, my hair again, brown or whatever color, and I'll wear natural clothes, etc, etc. And you can't blame them. Of course, we can't blame them if they don't have support, like from home or from other, from their real friends, then they will drop it. Then they will drop it. That's also what I say to, to people who have like, 30-40-50 years old, right? They do crazy stuff, and the worst thing you can do is go into it. Let them do crazy stuff. Let them that's experimenting. Let they learn so much. You know, suppose your daughter, or your, your son, dyes his hair blue tomorrow and he comes out of the streets the first that day, he will learn more than the past 10 years. That's true.


Kim Meninger

That’s true. That's very true. Now…


Eddy Smits

You learn so much, and at the end of the day, when he comes home, then you can say, Anne, Oh, how's your day? That's Don't, don't forbid him to do stupid. Of course, you have to forbid him to do dangerous things. That's something totally different, right? But dying your hair blue, or something these two things, or, or having an ear piercing, whatever, you know, let them, let them. They will learn so much. It's so valuable lesson that they get. They won't even they won't even realize it that they are learning. So it's yeah, that's what I also that's what I recommend people who say, Oh, my, my sons or my daughter is getting so difficult and she wants this and she wants that. Leave her. Yes. Leave her say yes, yeah, Daddy, I want to dye my hair blue. Go for it girl. But mostly they won't ask. They’ll just do it.


Kim Meninger

It's funny. You should say that, because my 14-year-old was just talking about, he said he and his friend want to shave their heads and dye their hair pink. And I was like, why not? You know, it's your hair will grow back, right?


Eddy Smits

Go for it, yeah, that's what I'm saying. It'll just grow back. I mean, what in the few weeks everybody will be, yeah, it's gone again. So, yeah.


Kim Meninger

Exactly, exactly. But you're right, that pressure to conform is so high and so powerful, and then that keeps us in this perpetual inauthenticity because we're trying to impress the wrong people, like you're saying. And then longer that you're in that space, the more you have to be that person you're not in order to feel like you fit in, and it just increases the anxiety.


Eddy Smits

Exactly, how long do you are in that inauthentic situation? How harder is to get out of it? It's normal. It's normal, right? You grow your friends, you grow your what, your colleagues, whatever you work, and it's all not natural but, but that that has become your world, and to step out of devil that takes a lot of courage. It's much easier to step out before all these things happen. It's much easier then. And that's many people are now in a situation that that they feel, because it's a feeling, they feel that they don't, don't, that they can't get out of it, but you can. You can get out of it. You can get out of everything. But of course, maybe you need some help or some encouragement, or whatever, right?


Kim Meninger

No, that's a really good point because I think maybe you find that the people you were trying to impress are not the people you thought they were, and you need to move to a different space, or you might be surprised that people accept you for who you actually are, and that some of what you're feeling is just an assumption that you made. Right?


Eddy Smits

Absolutely, absolutely, yeah, it's assumption is, is the is the enemy of progress. And it's like that. It's really simple, if you're going to assume things before you really try them out, yeah? Well,


Kim Meninger

Yeah. Then that takes us back to where we started, too, right with it, if experimentation and just jumping right into the pool, if you assume…


Eddy Smits

Yeah, and again, young people have the advantage on us because they lack experience and but yeah, let them. Let them fall, let them fail. There's no There's no bigger reward than to fail, and I know that too out of my own experiences, whether it's in my artistic business, or else, the lower I go, actually, the more I'm thinking, Okay, that's good, because the lower I go, that means the higher will go too. It's everything has to be imbalanced, right? And to say it in the words of a clown, a clown gets his gets sorry, his success by failure, right? If you see the old black and white movies, when the clown stumbles right, the audience laughs. But the stumble is, in fact, a fail, right? It's something that didn't work. And at some point he gets that and say, oh, wait a minute, when I stumble, they are laughing, and it's my intention to make people laugh, so let's stumble, right? Let's make mistakes. And that's that playfulness that let's make mistakes, because mistakes are fun. If we can put that into young people, if you can that attitude into long young people, I think that's one of the greatest things you can give them. Let's, let's have fun and fail.


Kim Meninger

Great lesson and a great place for us to wrap up today, because I would love for everyone to think more about how to do that in their lives, no matter how old they are, because I think that is just a great way to give yourself more freedom to have fun and not be so yeah, and not feel so much pressure. This has been so fantastic. Eddie, if anybody's interested in learning more about you your work, where can they find you?


Eddy Smits

I think the easiest place just to go to my website. Eddysmits dot com, or connect with me on LinkedIn. That's the social media place where I'm mostly can be found. And if any, whatever it is, ask your question, get in touch, whatever. I'll get back to you. That's simple as that.


Kim Meninger

Excellent. I'll make sure those links are in the show notes for anybody interested. And thank you again for being here. Eddy, this has been such a great conversation, and I really appreciate your insights.


Eddy Smits

It was totally my pleasure. Kim, thank you.

Kim Meninger

Coach, TEDx speaker, and podcast host committed to making it easier to be human at work.

Groton, MA

508.740.9158

Kim@KimMeninger.com

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